I haven’t moved from this very spot on my couch since 11:00 last night. I watched some tv, had a couple short naps, and talked to Brandon as much as I could before he left. Being obsessive an clingy is a boring life when your other half leaves the country.
Surprisingly, knowing how much fun he’s having in Mexico as we speak kind of helps me to feel a little better - I imagine that this is how mothers feel when dealing with their kids going off to school/college/anywhere without them. Just trying to be happy that the other is happy wherever they are :) I’m just trying to avoid thinking of all the hot chicks that are running around in bikinis, that he gets to party with every night. I guess this is what they call “trust” though.
The real test will be tonight when I know he’s out having a good time and meeting all these babes that are probably more tan than me, much more beautiful, and have better personalities… And boobs. Such giant boobs.
……….Okay, what do we have to drink in this apartment.
“People like him? Let me tell you something about people like him. They will never be happy unless they are holding on to the thrill of a lie. Lies are all they know – their sun rises and set on lies and don’t get me wrong, they do not always mean to hurt you. They never intended for you to find out that way. Or at all… They simply feel the need to have a secret, to hold the power. People like him cannot settle for anything less than what they desire; the moment the concept occurs to them, they take action. No thinking, no escape plans. People like him crave acceptance, they crave attention, and they crave sex. In order to get all of these things at once, people like him do some really stupid shit to the Girl like you who has somehow fallen into trusting them.
People like him make me sick.
Girls like you? Girls like you also make me sick.
You crave all of the same things as People like him, only in order to get it you passively and obsessively hold onto People like him for dear life! Girls like you are insecure enough to believe there is nobody else out there for you. Girls like you believe that if you pretend not to notice the distance in his eyes, the distraction in his smile, the lies he tells you… Maybe he will continue with the charade and you will not be left lonely. Girls like you need to stand your ground and tell People like him, “HEY! Love it or leave it.”
People like him and Girls like you need to get your shit together before this thing can have any kinda hope of working itself out.”—Blythe; Fictional Character of my Creation
"I won’t lie to you, or let you down," He guarantees.
And then suddenly, though your mind screams against it and begs you to resist, you let your guard down. Your walls come down and you settle into the comfort of trust. For once you let yourself believe, you do not question, and you relax.
You decide that it is safe to let your hopes rise, and they begin to do so; your hopes sail to heights which you have never even imagined, and you are not afraid to allow it. Your heart sighs blissfully at your new-found faith, and your mind is at ease for the first time in what seems like an eternity.
And then it happens. There it is, the moment you had forgotten to expect.
"I’m not going to be there," He says.
"I apologize, I wanted to make you happy, it’s just that my plans have changed," He explains.
"Do not be upset; you’re not treating me fairly," He complains.
Right on cue, the dam bursts. There is no calm build-up, there is no slow rising of the waters. Without warning, beyond your control, you can feel your heart shatter within your chest and the disappointment swells in your throat. All of the loneliness, the longing and the disgruntlement wash down your face.
You immediately feel ashamed as the I-Told-You-So tears spill from your eyes, and you want so badly to resent Him. Unfortunately for you, the loneliness and the longing are stronger than the anger, and the disappointment remains in your throat as you await His return.
Loyal, faithful and unwavering, you sit in your despair as you wish you had not let yourself down by expecting Him not to…
10 ways I might "pop the question" if I were a man!
Option #1: Gather a bunch of your friends and family for a party. Have everyone in attendance put on a T-shirt bearing one of the letters in the phrase “Will You Marry Me?” When you walk in the room with your girlfriend, suggest a group picture and let the shirts speak for themselves.
Option #2: For a simple surprise, after she goes to bed, go to her jewelry box and replace her everyday ring with the engagement ring. She’ll be completely shocked in the morning when she goes to put on her regular ring.
Option #3: Slip the ring on her finger while she’s sleeping and wake her with champagne and strawberries. At first, the gesture will simply seem romantic — the real surprise comes when she notices her new piece of jewelry.
Option #4: Tie a red velvet ribbon from one spot in your home to another. Attach little notes recalling perfect moments in your relationship along the way. You wait at the last stop, ring in hand.
Option #5: Spell your proposal out in glow-in-the-dark star stickers on your ceiling. Get into bed, turn the lights off, and wait for the inevitable gasp. (I would be all over this one. Men, take note!)
Option #6: Write “Will You Marry Me?” on the underside of a kite and take flight one warm, breezy afternoon.
Option #7: Buy a pet that she has always wanted (bunny, kitten, puppy) and loosely tie the ring around its neck. Or, substitute a stuffed animal — still cute, but less maintenance!
Option #8: Tell your girlfriend you want to make a time capsule together to bury and dig up years into the future. As you’re gathering the items, say it wouldn’t be complete without a picture of the moment you two got engaged! Have a Polaroid camera ready to take that shot right after you present her with the ring.
Option #9: Make her ring the surprise in a box of Cracker Jack.
Option #10: Send your girlfriend on a treasure hunt. Start with a clue at home, then send her on a tour of your favorite spots all over town. When she gets to the last hint, the prize should be you on one knee.